You think you could get rid of me that easily?

Did you really think so? Well, you were wrong, because I'M BACK.

Admittedly, quite sleepy, and my vision is blurring slightly. But I'm still here, and I see that I've missed out on A LOT.

It's been a while since I last posted. A LONG while. Like, three months. Jesus. Sorry about that. I just didn't have much to report. Great, now I'm backlogged, and I have too much to report. I'll try and keep it brief.

Life at Mt. SAC is growing on me. Immaturity still exists, and smokers are everywhere, but it's not like I can really escape things like that. As far as classes go, they couldn't be any easier. Well, okay, I guess they could be a little eaasier. But I'm taking it all in stride.

I feel like a college student. But at the same time, I don't.

I kick back, walk around the campus with confidence, complete the assignments with ease. I take the tests and now know how to function for a midterm.

But then I compare my life to those of my friends, at actual universities, and I realize that it's so completely different. And as of right now, I'm glad that I'm not at a university. As of right now, I'm way too apathetic to care.

I'm coasting. I admit it. I never used to do that in high school. I was always the overachiever. And, y'know, in a way, I still kind of am. I've gotten head starts on projects, papers, and readings. But I'm not that hardcore student, studying every spare minute. I'm not the person I thought I'd be when I went to college -- I'm not stuck in the library poring over books and sheets of notes.

I don't know if that's because I just understand everything, or if I just don't feel like doing that. My classes don't require an endless amount of research. And it's only my first semester. Maybe I shouldn't even be swamped with work.

I feel like I'm not getting anything accomplished. I feel like I'm just -- waiting for my life to start. I know I'm only 18. I know I have my entire life ahead of me. But to me, 18 just seems so old already. I want to feel like I'm doing something with my life. I want to feel like I'm getting somewhere. And right now, it doesn't feel like that's happening. It feels like how I felt in high school -- like I'm going through the motions, waiting for something better to come along. Is that what my life will always be? Will I always just be waiting? And what can I do now to set my life in motion?

Sometimes it feels like my life lacks purpose. Maybe that's why I'm so eager to get started on my future. College has been such an easy adjustment academics-wise. But that's about the only part. I have no friends. Well, okay, I still have my friends, but I never see them anymore. I should have tried to schedule classes with them, like everyone else. And even they have made new friends. I haven't.

I'm made acquaintances. I've been friendly. But I've yet to meet anyone who actually wants to hang out.

It was so much easier in high school. I felt like I belonged. I felt like I had a voice. And now --. Well, college is all about anonymity. Meeting new people is definitely something I was looking forward to.

Maybe it's just because my social calendar has been blank for a while now. Maybe I just miss hanging out with my friends. I miss laughing and talking and gossiping.

Last year, I lived off of the love my friends gave me. Without that, where am I now?

Well, I guess I'd better close this. I've got three midterms next week [woo! -_-] and a few papers to write.

Goooodddddnight, world.
-Monica<3