A bittersweet, love-hate, complicated, oxymoronic relationship.

Mmm, so today was -- well, it was interesting, to say the least. The first Friday after break. It feels like this week passed by so slowly. It was grueling.

Today was the Day of Silence, so I wasn't able to talk the entire day, which was pretty difficult, considering I had a lot to say. I slipped up twice, but that was better than last year. haha.

So I think I gained a bit more respect for Mrs. Lopez today. During class, she acknowledged those of us participating in the day of silence, and pretty much said that she appreciates what we were taking a stand for, and how we were brave enough to take a stand at all. Then she said stuff about how human rights belong to all humans, so I pretty much inferred that she supports gay rights. Which is saying something, because she's pretty conservative. Well, okay, she's really conservative. But the fact that she's supportive of something that I feel so strongly about surprised me in a good way.

I think your opinion of your teachers change when you find out things about their personal life -- just like how their opinions could change of you if they see you in a different life, or hear about something that you've done or you believe it. Mrs. Arias, for example, is an amazing person -- but I heard she got upset when Ms. Chalew sent around an email warning teachers that some students were going to talk about the Day of Silence during class. Obviously she's allowed to believe what she wants to -- she was raised in a strict background -- an all girls' school, probably Catholic or Christian-based. I understand where she's coming from. But it does make me kind of sad, knowing that she's not supportive of important issues that deal with human rights.

Mrs. Morgan, too. When she put up that "Yes for Prop 8" bumper sticker in her classroom, it put me off a bit, because not only was she trying to prevent gay marriage, but she was advertising it to all of her classes, potentially influencing other students to think along the same way because she's a teacher and she must be right.

Everyone is allowed to believe in what they want to, but when it becomes an issue of denying or allowing people basic human rights, I don't think it's even a question anymore. And that's why I feel so passionately about it. Gay people are people, just like black people are people. How come no one understands that? Just because they think and feel differently than others? Yeah, well so do scientists and therapists. Everyone thinks differently, and everyone has different ways of feeling and dealing with their emotions.

There's not much I can do about this. All I can do is wait until the ignorant realize their mistakes, if they ever do. But our generation is soon going to be controlling the nation -- and then we'll see what will happen.

***

Next week STAR testing starts. ^_^ Monday is supposed to be that whole trial run thing where the students go to their testing rooms. Seniors go to the gym, where they'll probably tell us that we have to be there at 9:50, regardless. Yeah, yeah, whatever. As if I'm really going to come at that time and waste an hour of my time sitting around waiting for the bell to ring. I understand that the school has to have its students on campus for a minimum number of minutes each day, but seriously.

Maybe I'm becoming too arrogant. A few years ago I wouldn't even question this. But I guess it's because I'm older now -- I'm a senior, and I don't care anymore. I know how far I can bend the rules without breaking them, and I like being comfortable. Is that so horrible?

I need to get myself out of here. I wish I was going so far away -- I have to get away from these people. But no -- I'm going to Mt. SAC, where I will see them all over again. Hopefully the honors program will weed out the slackers and idiots, and hopefully the big campus and my head start on the summer session will prevent any of them from sneaking into my classes. But I can't stand these people anymore.

I love my friends, and my advanced classes. But the regular classes are torture, because the people there are so disrespectful, and so -- arrogant? They don't care about what happens to them; they don't care about school anymore. Am I the only senior who hasn't done a drug, or gotten drunk? Admittedly, I'll only find more of that in college, but there's only so much immaturity I can tolerate.

I want to leave those people behind. But I don't want to leave my friends. It's a bittersweet, love-hate relationship. It's complicated. It's oxymoronic. And it sucks.

Always and forever,

--Monica McFLY♥