Sheltered, privileged Suburbia

So, today I went to downtown Los Angeles to go prom dress shopping with Sprina and Daphne. And that was quite an experience.

Maybe it's because I've been so sheltered all of my damn life, but that place scared me to death. Living in suburbia feels boring and -- well, just really boring. But I would so rather live here in Boring-ville than live out there. It's terrible.

Granted, we were in a pretty ghetto part of Downtown LA, but still. Seeing all of those homeless people on the streets, walking around and begging for money, really made me appreciate everything I have. And the rudeness of the people there made me re-think my definition of rude. I mean, sure, we have some first class idiots and assholes over here -- that's guaranteed, and I can think of a few off the top of my head. But the people I encountered in the city had no regard for any other human being but themselves.

I guess it really is a dog eat dog world. People are nasty, and selfish, and racist, and self-centered. People do what they need to get by in this world.

As the streets of downtown filled up in the late afternoon, the prom dress stores filled up and pretty soon teenage girls were rifling through dresses as though it were that huge sale on bridal gowns where all the soon-to-be-brides would run into the store and practically kill each other to find that perfect dress. Sure, maybe it wasn't that extreme, but it was so crowded and frantic that it certainly felt that way.

Thankfully Sprina found a dress [YAY! ^_^. And can I just say, it looks great on her], but it came with a price. Because this world is so dog-eat-dog, when Daphne's pouch [containing her camera and her money] fell out of her pocket, nobody bothered to return it to her, even though she came looking for it thirty seconds after it dropped. No, whoever found it looked inside, found the money and expensive camera, and took it. Maybe it's just me and my idealistic mind, but I have a feeling that if this happened over in suburbia, in maybe the Brea or Puente Hills Malls or something, the pouch would have been returned.

I get that people need some kind of means to survive. But should it come at the expense of someone else? I am unhappy about Daphne's loss [it certainly put a damper on the rest of our shopping day], but generally speaking -- is it worth it to recieve something that will help you get by, if it means you had to take it from someone else, and cause them misfortune? Could you live with yourself if you decided to take that course of action?

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm too noble and courteous for my own good. God knows I'm noble and respectful enough for nearly everyone who lacks those qualities in my senior class. And it's okay to be a little selfish sometimes. I guess it just depends on the situation. Like taking a job promotion, even if it means that someone else has to be stuck with their same job for a few more years. Or maybe taking that last seat on the plane, or that much coveted choir solo. It's not that we're aiming to hurt those less fortunate. It's just a part of life.

But there is a difference in those situations. Stealing is completely different than carefully choosing a plan of action.

I'm confusing myself. Let's move on to something else.

**

Well, this week should be interesting. Busy, most definitely. But I'm excited for it. I love being busy, even though it does mean that I'll be tired for the entire week. I'm up for it -- excitement is what I live for. I love looking at my calendar and seeing every box filled with some activity or appointment. It makes me feel accomplished; like I'm actually doing something with and for my life.

My final choir concert ever will take place this Friday and Saturday. I'm excited, but at the same time, sad and terrified. At the moment, our numbers aren't looking as amazing as they should be looking -- and I really wish we had more time to prepare. Diamond Bar's Pop's concert isn't even until the 23rd and 24th of May -- three whole weeks more of preparation. I know that we'll be able to pull everything together in time -- we always do. But it still is stressful and frustrating when things aren't looking stunning during rehearsal. By this time, we should be mastering our choreography and making it our own. Right now, we're still struggling to remember our moves. And we don't even have a curtain call.

There are a lot of logistics that still need to be worked out. And frankly, Mrs. Lopez will most likely not be in a good mood at all this week. Concert weeks always stress the hell out of her.

I guess all we can do is hope for the best. It's my last concert -- and it's going to be great.

Always and forever,
--Monica McFLY♥

Cynicism on a whole new level.

So here's the thing.

I don't really understand my generation these days, and how people my age could be making such STUPID decisions. It's so fucked up, and it makes me so mad.

There's this whole issue about "Sexting." Which, of course, as everyone already knows, is taking and sending nude pictures of yourself to people on your cell phone. Mkay, WHAT in God's name would ever make you want to do that? You might as well be starting your own porn site. Because don't people realize that's what it is? It's porn. It's illegal, and it's stupid. Don't people think about the consequences of their actions? They take these nude pictures and send them to people, and then when they get ridiculed and teased and molested then they regret it. It's so arrogant -- it's like, "oh, here, look at me in all my naked glory! Aren't I hot? PLEASE take advantage of me. Kids at school, PLEASE make fun of me and call me a slut! And random pedophiles from across town, PLEASE stalk me and jack off at my naked pictures!"

Ugh. People make me sick. What kind of a world are we living in? I hate it. I hate knowing that people like that represent my generation. The generation that is supposed to take over soon; that's supposed to lead the nation into a different era. And this is what we're doing? This is how we're representing ourselves? How we're making a statement in the world? The only statement these people are making are how stupid the human race can be.

People like that give all teenagers a bad name. Now none of us can ever be trusted because of these idiots.

Mmm, and here's another thing.

Why do people do drugs? It never made sense to me. It still doesn't. And so far, I've only heard of a few reasons, and they're not really valid: Drugs make you feel good. Yeah, well, so does ice cream on a hot day. So does hot chocolate in the winter. A lot of things make you feel good, and not everything is lethal to your body and your life. So what the heck is the point, resorting to something illegal to "feel good" when there are so many other ways to "feel good" without it?

"Drugs make you forget about your problems." Yeah, what a huge problem solver. Sure, drugs take you away from reality for a while. But that's just it. It's only FOR A WHILE. When you come down from that high, your problems are still going to be there. Drugs don't magically fix everything just because you travel to an imaginary world with pretty lights and colors. In fact, they create even more problems than you already have. How's that for a problem solver? Not very efficient, is it?

Sure, I can't possibly understand exactly what drugs make you feel, because I've never tried them in my life. And I never will. "You're missing out, Monica," you're thinking. Missing out on poisoning my body, cutting years off my life, and risking jailtime? Yeah, sounds like I'm missing out on a lot.

I've heard nearly everyone in my school smokes pot. Frankly I'm not really surprised, seeing as though practically everyone in my school is an idiot. But you think I'm suffering from peer pressure because of that statistic? On the contrary -- now I'm just even more disgusted in that fraction of the school who give teenagers all around the country a bad name.

I can't stand being here anymore. And I know I'm being really cynical -- I know there's a bunch of stuff that's great, like my friends and my classes. But I just can't get over how stupid teenagers are these days. I wish I had been born in a better era. The 50s, maybe, when wearing mini-skirts was scandalous.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I surpassed the whole brain development stage that normal teenagers go through, and I just went straight from child to adult. But I don't think that really matters. Everything I'm saying is true, despite how cynical and critical it sounds. You can argue with me all you want, but I highly doubt you'll be able to come up with anything good enough to defend your position.

Y'know, I say all the time that I want to move away from America, because this place is so fucked up. Not only do we have all of this crap happening with our teenagers, but our government is probably the most corrupt government in the world. Maybe not the entire government as a whole, but HOW MANY government officials have been called out on illegal activites in the last year alone? How many in the last decade?

This country sickens me as much as I love its freedom. But the fact of the matter is -- this corruption exists everywhere in the world. And I don't think I can ever escape it. Even if I move someplace else.

And that's what scares me the most. Will I ever be able to live with this crap? Or will I go crazy from my frustration with the human race?

Always and forever,
--Monica McFLY♥

A bittersweet, love-hate, complicated, oxymoronic relationship.

Mmm, so today was -- well, it was interesting, to say the least. The first Friday after break. It feels like this week passed by so slowly. It was grueling.

Today was the Day of Silence, so I wasn't able to talk the entire day, which was pretty difficult, considering I had a lot to say. I slipped up twice, but that was better than last year. haha.

So I think I gained a bit more respect for Mrs. Lopez today. During class, she acknowledged those of us participating in the day of silence, and pretty much said that she appreciates what we were taking a stand for, and how we were brave enough to take a stand at all. Then she said stuff about how human rights belong to all humans, so I pretty much inferred that she supports gay rights. Which is saying something, because she's pretty conservative. Well, okay, she's really conservative. But the fact that she's supportive of something that I feel so strongly about surprised me in a good way.

I think your opinion of your teachers change when you find out things about their personal life -- just like how their opinions could change of you if they see you in a different life, or hear about something that you've done or you believe it. Mrs. Arias, for example, is an amazing person -- but I heard she got upset when Ms. Chalew sent around an email warning teachers that some students were going to talk about the Day of Silence during class. Obviously she's allowed to believe what she wants to -- she was raised in a strict background -- an all girls' school, probably Catholic or Christian-based. I understand where she's coming from. But it does make me kind of sad, knowing that she's not supportive of important issues that deal with human rights.

Mrs. Morgan, too. When she put up that "Yes for Prop 8" bumper sticker in her classroom, it put me off a bit, because not only was she trying to prevent gay marriage, but she was advertising it to all of her classes, potentially influencing other students to think along the same way because she's a teacher and she must be right.

Everyone is allowed to believe in what they want to, but when it becomes an issue of denying or allowing people basic human rights, I don't think it's even a question anymore. And that's why I feel so passionately about it. Gay people are people, just like black people are people. How come no one understands that? Just because they think and feel differently than others? Yeah, well so do scientists and therapists. Everyone thinks differently, and everyone has different ways of feeling and dealing with their emotions.

There's not much I can do about this. All I can do is wait until the ignorant realize their mistakes, if they ever do. But our generation is soon going to be controlling the nation -- and then we'll see what will happen.

***

Next week STAR testing starts. ^_^ Monday is supposed to be that whole trial run thing where the students go to their testing rooms. Seniors go to the gym, where they'll probably tell us that we have to be there at 9:50, regardless. Yeah, yeah, whatever. As if I'm really going to come at that time and waste an hour of my time sitting around waiting for the bell to ring. I understand that the school has to have its students on campus for a minimum number of minutes each day, but seriously.

Maybe I'm becoming too arrogant. A few years ago I wouldn't even question this. But I guess it's because I'm older now -- I'm a senior, and I don't care anymore. I know how far I can bend the rules without breaking them, and I like being comfortable. Is that so horrible?

I need to get myself out of here. I wish I was going so far away -- I have to get away from these people. But no -- I'm going to Mt. SAC, where I will see them all over again. Hopefully the honors program will weed out the slackers and idiots, and hopefully the big campus and my head start on the summer session will prevent any of them from sneaking into my classes. But I can't stand these people anymore.

I love my friends, and my advanced classes. But the regular classes are torture, because the people there are so disrespectful, and so -- arrogant? They don't care about what happens to them; they don't care about school anymore. Am I the only senior who hasn't done a drug, or gotten drunk? Admittedly, I'll only find more of that in college, but there's only so much immaturity I can tolerate.

I want to leave those people behind. But I don't want to leave my friends. It's a bittersweet, love-hate relationship. It's complicated. It's oxymoronic. And it sucks.

Always and forever,

--Monica McFLY♥

Reminiscing and old projects.

Hello my lovely and loyal readers. Who, for all I know, don't exist. But that won't stop me from blogging!

So Friday is the last day to submit a piece of writing for this year's first annual Literary Journal. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO PUT. Looking back on all my past stories, I realize they're either too long, or they suck.

I want to write something that means something to someone. But how am I supposed to do that? Especially now that I'm so busy -- how am I supposed to find time to write something profound and amazing?

I'd use what I read at open mic night -- but those weren't my words. I read it that day because I wanted people to hear them, but I promised myself I would submit my own work for the journal.

I'm thinking of one story in particular. I think it's okay, but it's just -- not as thought-provoking as I want it to be.

But everything else that is thought-provoking is cynical and pretty much attacks the rest of the people in school [most of whom I strongly dislike]. lmao.

Rawr. Well, I just dug through some of my old stuff from the past few years, and ohmygod, I found a hell of a lot of stuff. Like this one World History project I did for Mr. Knox's class that I totally don't even remember doing. BUT I can tell that my mom did it for me, because there are some really pretty pictures that I could NOT have drawn in any way in hell. xD

AND I found a Romeo and Juliet project thing I did for Lyons Freshman year. Jeez, I had way too much time on my hands, because I had colored each individual box on the table a different color. o_O

Anyway, enough reminiscing. What I was really looking for were a couple of writing samples I had displayed on my binders a few years ago. I haven't finished reading them all the way through, but I think I might find something I like here.

AND five minutes later. lmao. I just read something that I had written in 8th grade. And DAMN it's freaking good!

I've got to edit some parts here and there, but I think I've just found my gold. It's provocative, thought-provoking, deep, and truthful, without insulting too many people. haha. It's something everyone can relate to.

It's something I definitely want to use.

SO, off to do some editing! ^_^

Tomorrow shall be a rather boring day. Woo. Looking forward to it. Can you feel my sarcasm?

Well, I've got English first thing, so that should bring a smile to my face early in the day. =]

Mkay, now I'm really going. Love you all<3

Always and forever,
--Monica♥

gkarthh and JaGK <3

So today was the first day back from Spring Break. And might I just say it was one of the best days I've had in a while. It was so much better than I was expecting, anyway.

Sunday night, when I realized I had to go to school the next day, I didn't really know what to feel. I didn't want to wake up early -- that's for sure. But I was excited to see my friends again. I was also kind of nervous, because Monday marks the beginning of the end. [Aww. haha.]

But seeing all my friends again was so amazing. I really had fun today. PLUS there were those unexpected surprises that brought good fortune into my life. Haha. Mrs. Arias wasn't here today, so we spent the entire period just talking. [Discuss poetry? Did she really think we were going to do that? lmao.]

Anatomy was one single presentation, since the other person was absent. So that was boring. OH, and I had one of those awesome cupcakes baked into those cones. Mmm. Loveyou Kathleen<3

Fourth period is T.A. with Donee, and she didn't have anything for me to do, so I spent it listening to my iPod and staring at my notebook, trying to come up with something to write. I didn't get very far, but the fact that I had free time for myself was blessing enough.

Choir was intense, since Mrs. Lopez is piling on all of this music, which we have two weeks to learn, memorize, and choreograph. The songs are easy enough, and with a few more rehearsals we'll have it down. And then there's the added pressure for her Master's recital, which contains probably a dozen different languages. Mm, but we'll stress about that after the Pop's Concert.

And then Econ with Cavanaugh, which was such a short period. Her lecture took up like.. 30 minutes of class. Then we had the rest of class to do whatever.

So overall, a stress-free day. And since I basically have no homework, I have more time to get ahead on my Beloved crap that's due Friday.

It's a very nice way to ease myself back into the school-mode. Even though right now I really don't feel like buckling down and analyzing Beloved. Eh, whatever.

The next few weeks are going to be the busiest in my life, probably. Mostly due to the Spring Pop's Concert, which is two weeks away.

STAR testing is next week! Even though this week just started, I can't wait until next week. xD I love being a senior. It's so amazing.

By the way, I think I've found a new obsession to rival McFLY: All Time Low. =] I've always been a fan of their music, but I never really looked into them as a band until recently. Anddd I like what I saw. Haha. They're amazing. And even though most people only notice Alex [lead singer] and Jack [Guitarist], (Rian [Drummer] and Zack [bassist] are shy and tend to stay away from the cameras unless they're doing group interviews. Alex and Jack are camera whores. Haha.) I still appreciate them as a whole band.

But seriously, Alexander William Gaskarth is just amazing. And he communicates with his fans so much more often than the boys of McFLY do, so I get that kind of connection that I was never able to recieve from McFLY.

Anyway. I'll save myself [and you guys] the rant of Alex's amazing-ness. =] I should be doing my homework, anyway.

Thanks for reading. ^_^

Always and forever,
--Monica McFLY♥

=[

Holy crap, tomorrow marks the last day of my Spring Break. And it didn't go at all like I had hoped it would. I mean, it's not bad, really. I just hoped I had had more time. I had all these plans to get so ahead in all my classes, but I've barely even had enough time to do the homework I was actually assigned.

Instead of spending all day everyday at home on my couch watching chick flicks while doing my homework, I was out -- all day, everyday, shopping for a prom dress. Which really was fun. It was! But it also meant I was taking time away from being able to do my work.

SO I feel pretty un-accomplished. Is that a word? I don't know. I'm too sleepy to care. AND YET I have three poems to finish tonight, just so I can have three poems to finish for the rest of the weekend.

I got my Anatomy stuff done, which wasn't hard at all, thank goodness. But I had also counted on getting my RRS and Beloved writing thing finished, plus the four lit devices we have left for the year. AND I had wanted to start on my super special end of the year presents for my friends. But did I have time for that? NO.

Admittedly, I really should be working on said poetry instead of blogging on here, but really, this is so much more entertaining. And I can't concentrate when this is on my mind, so it'll be best to put it out there so I'll feel liberated. Somehow.

Tomorrow I'm going out yet again for an appointment at the Apple Store about my dysfunctional iPod, but hopefully I'll make it back home in time for more work. YAY.

And Saturday! The day that I swear I will dedicate to finishing what I wanted to get done. Though I probably won't get them all done. After all, that's a lot of assignments. The Beloved stuff alone will take hours, and the lit devices even more hours on top of that. I'll find a way to change it up so I don't get too bored, but we'll just have to see how far I get.

I mean, it's no big deal if I don't get it all done this weekend. The Beloved stuff isn't due until next Friday, and I dont even have lit devices for this week, so I have plenty of time. But something about me just doesn't feel on time unless I'm ahead.

I don't know. I'm completely weird like that.

Orientation at Mt. SAC was today, by the way. And it was long, and actually pretty boring. I mean, everything the instructor went over is stuff that I pretty much already knew. And my butt grew really numb on those dang wooden chairs. An hour and a half of my time. It was entertaining, though. The instructor was nice and now I don't really feel so unfamiliar with the school. I need to set up an appointment with a counselor ASAP, though. But yeah. It went well.

Well, I'm really close to finishing those three poems, so I'll just leave it here so I can concentrate. Be back later? Maybe, if I have anything interesting to report.

Always and forever,
--Monica McFLY♥

Easter?

Mmm, so I never really understood something. Easter bunnies, and easter eggs.

The two are synonymous with Easter itself. But why those two objects? I mean -- bunnies don't lay eggs. And have you seen that new Reese's commercial, when the chocolate bunny kisses the jar of peanut butter, and then POOF a peanut-butter filled easter egg appears? That totally implies that when easter bunnies and peanut butter collide, they make eggs. And that's so not true!

Bunnies are mammals -- they don't lay eggs. And it's kind of scary because those commercials and all of the market publicity for easter bunnies and easter eggs might lead some little children to believe that easter bunnies lay easter eggs.

AHHH it's madness.

Anyway. I'm kind of just writing this because I'm procrastinating on my dang poetry packet, which is hell in a -- well, poetry packet. I'm totally just BS-ing like almost all of it. Who cares, anyway? It's not like I'm ever going to remember these poems in the future.

Though, admittedly, I'll be analyzing so many more poems in college. Especially since I'm a prospective English Major. BUT STILL. I know this will help me in the future -- it really does help, actually. But it's torture. And it's freaking spring break. I should be downstairs in my living room right now, watching some cheesy romantic comedy DVD. BUT NOOOOO, I'm stuck in my room, typing up a bunch of crap that I don't even really understand. And I have no idea if my analysis is even remotely correct. lmao.

Oh, whatever.

So I have an orientation at Mt. SAC today, and I don't really want to go. All the beginning of my future. And I don't want to face my future right now. I'm perfectly content with living in the present -- I love my life right now, and I really don't want anything to change. =/

Well, I'd better get to my homework so I'm not completely freaking out on Sunday night.

Always and forever,
--Monica♥

Mhmm.

Spring Break is finally here, and I couldn't be happier. An entire week of doing nothing -- and yet, doing everything imaginable. Mmm, I'm not going anywhere. Just staying at home. But really, that's all I want. I just want to sleep late, sleep in, and cuddle under fleece blanket watching DVDs. Some much needed R&R.

And I'm sure I'll have time for that. =] But I'll also be going Prom Dress shopping [WOO!], arranging things for college, and getting ahead [because I'm a nerd like that] on my homework. BUT I'll be doing all that without worrying about school or assignments due the next day.

Spring Break has always had a reputation for partying in Cancun, topless girls [Girls Gone Wild, anyone?], travelling to Aspen to hit the ski slopes [because they do still have snow up there, right? I'm sure]. So when people ask me if I'm doing anything this Spring Break, and I say no, I feel kind of boring, y'know?

But that's how I am, and it's what I want. I don't need parties, tans, alcohol or hot guys to make my Spring Break amazing.

So I'm not like everyone else, and I don't want what everyone wants. What else is new?

Enjoy your Spring Break, everyone, the way you want to. Don't feel obligated to fit in to a stereotype. =] <3

Always and forever,
-Monica McFLY♥