Wow, what an angry post.
HAHAHAHAHA.
Sorry. Just had to let that out. This post is mostly for ranting purposes, and it doesn't really matter whether or not people read it. Whatever.
Anyway, so I've been on my RPG page [for those of you who don't know, I created an RPG (Role-playing Group) based around a story I'm writing. If you don't know what roleplaying is, well ask me later; it's too complicated to explain. xD] and of course as an RPG owner I have to add pretty much anyone who requests me, whether or not they're a good roleplayer. the more friends the better, as it gets the word out quite quickly. Anyway, since I have to be so un-discriminatory, I've encountered people and situations that I haven't had to deal with in five years.
When I started roleplaying in 2005, I was understandably inept at exactly what rp was all about. I was a little too eager to make friends, and a little less able to comprehend what rp was all about. But obviously as time went on and I matured, I realized that rp was more of a writing experience than anything else. And so I grew out of this whole immature drama-obsessed, attention-seeking, pitiful person looking for "love," and I turned into a seasoned and veteran rper who cares more about the writing and the creativity and the inspiration than about anything else, really.
I fear that with my professionalism has come a whole lot of snobbiness. The contempt and disdain I feel for those who haven't quite worked out rp yet is conflicted because I remember what it was like when I first started out. I remember that I used to be that way.
My best friend told me that they'll grow out of it. I know they will. It's just extremely annoying to watch it all unfold right now, in front of my face.
I don't fucking care if you're feeling like shit and you want to kill yourself. I'm sorry. That sounds harsh. I mean, I do care, but people who fucking announce it that way so obviously aren't really going to do it. They're just looking for people to tell them NOT to. They're looking for attention. I hate it when anyone does that, but it's really REALLY annoying when someone posts it on RP. If you're dealing with out of character shit in real life, deal with it in real life. RP is NOT the place to air out your dirty laundry. Even if you have good friends on here, talk to them privately. Don't post it in a fucking bulletin or in your status, because people are only going to think less of you when you do.
That being said, shut the fuck up about your drama. "Oh, woe is me, I'm so alone, no one understands me." I get that. I've felt that way before. But, like I said, announcing it so publicly, on a stream that all of your friends see, makes you look less like you need help, and more like you need attention. Same goes for announcing your love for someone else. That's all great, I'm happy for you [kind of] but SHUT. UP. Every once in a while is fine, but every fucking hour? Really?
In addition to that -- I literally just saw an entire lifetime's relationship play out in two weeks. A character was made. Within that DAY he had a girlfriend [probably after three or four mediocre comments] and now I just read that they're engaged and expecting a baby. Apparently she got pregnant a few days ago [and aired her "not very happy, stressed out, crap on the stream as well]. I just don't get it. Even if you came to rp, you're going to realize soon enough that after you're "married" and you "have a baby" you'll get bored. There's no excitement anymore. And then you'll have "affairs." And then there'll be more drama. More bullshit. More crap that I have to read on the activities stream. Fucking hell.
All of this attention-seeking, drama-causing bullshit is making me dread signing on at all, and that scares me. It reminds me of why I left in the first place, and while my main rp account is surrounded by good people with the decency to keep their lives underwraps, I have to maintain my group page. At least, until all the roles are filled. And even then, I have to make sure that no one out there will be stealing my idea, which is quite common among rpers, unfortunately.
I'm just so tired of having to deal with all of this all over again. I'm so over it. I'm so past it. I haven't had to cope with this shit in such a long time. And I hate it. I hate drama. I hate people who look for attention, who advertise their misfortunes and look for people to comfort them. I hate it. Suck it up. Grow a pair. More often than not, people out there have it so much more difficult than you do.
And while I know that I complain about my life and my misfortunes quite a lot, I know that I'm responsible for what I make of my life. Sure, I lament, and I whine, but at the end of the day I know that I have the power to change things. I know that it lies in me. So I don't rely on people to tell me that I'm pretty or smart or a good writer anymore. I don't depend on other people's compliments to get me going. I concentrate on my life. My goals. My dreams. I look at where I want to be; what I want to do, and I get myself there.
I don't whine and wait for things to happen. I don't wait for people to come to my rescue. Not anymore.
I guess I'm just sick of people who expect that their lives will be saved by people who will swoop down and tell them everything they want to hear. Life isn't like that. It's cruel and harsh and unfair and fucking hard. Life is hard. It's not supposed to be easy. So stop complaining. Stop whining. Stop making a world designed for escape and creativity your own personal punching bag. That's what blogs are for. That's what journals are for.
In case you didn't know, some of us are here to actually write. Not listen to you Dr. Phil yourself to death.
Yes? Yes.
Harsh. But I just don't fucking care anymore.
posted by Monica McFLY @ 10:15 PM
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